Tonight’s the Night!

I have just had the two worst weeks in a long time. Now I am going to sound like a spoiled brat but here goes — my nanny was sick all last week (did I mention that I have a nanny who works from 9 – 3pm every weekday)?  That was the kicker to a monumentally bad week that made me feel like a worthless, inept, and totally alone mum.

Then add the following:

  • having to start a school run in the morning and trying to get the three kids fed, dressed, and out of the house by 8am on my own,
  • my husband working late every night and having to go away on business Friday through Sunday,
  • getting a major snowstorm in the middle of the week so that I was stuck at home entertaining the kids for a couple of days on my own (school was not cancelled amazingly)
  • still getting woken up at a minimum of 3 times a night but up to 10 times a night by mainly my 17 month old daughter and sometimes the other two.

I was completely miserable and despite having lived here almost five years, I had no one I could talk to.  Now some of this is definitely my fault.  Being shy by nature, it is hard for me to initiate and sustain conversations with the already reticent Brits.  Also, every year we have lived here, we have moved house due to various circumstances so that we have not had the time to really get to know people in an area.  I even broke down sobbing to William’s headmistress who I barely know although she was terribly sweet to me.  So life sucks right now because I have no close friends to talk to besides my husband (who is my best friend but works long hours in order to support his brood).

I started this blog a couple of weeks ago thinking that the worst was over.  It’s now February and I’m more exhausted than ever because my nights have been so bad with my daughter Ellie.  So I have decided that tonight is the night I am going to start sleep training a la Ferber method.  I know everyone has an opinion on this but when you are getting up 8 times a night or more, letting your child cry feels a little like payback.  Yes, I know that isn’t a nice thing to say but  I have no qualms about that.  However, I am feeling a little guilty about letting her twin brother suffer however long this takes.  I could move him out of the room but I don’t feel like it will be good for him OR her.  He won’t like the new environment and she won’t learn to sleep in her normal situation.  So tonight, I’m going to let her cry 5, 10, and then 15 minutes and see how it goes.  She is terribly stubborn (gets it from both sides unfortunately) but I’m motivated even though I am already feeling like the walking dead.  Can’t get much worse.  Will let you know how it goes once I am able to raise my head out of the chaos of crying and sleeplessness.

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I’m not having a fourth child!

It’s morning and I’m hunched over a cup of decaf (because I want to nap as soon as Julia gets here). My three small children have tormented me throughout the night and a mantra keeps repeating in my head: “I’m not having a fourth child, I’m not having a fourth child…” It’s crazy to even think that I was considering it down the road. I’m a 39-year-old married woman (40 is around the corner-yikes!) and I have three children, Will, 3 1/2 years old, and twins Jack and Ellie, 16 months. We live outside of London in the U.K. and have been here 4 1/2 years now. My three children were born here.

Last night was a winner. Both twins have terrible colds with hacking coughs and they woke up repeatedly all night, including a 1 1/2 hour stint from Ellie where she refused to lie down around 3am. Even Will woke up once crying for his pacifier. I think every mum plays that entertaining game of ‘find the pacifier’ in the middle of the night.  Sometimes you’re lucky and sometimes you’re screwed.  Last night I was lucky.I know we need to get him to stop using it at night but I JUST don’t have the energy right now.  So now I am essentially ignoring the children as they wander around the living room. Will is dancing along to Shrek with a sequin fairy skirt and a frilly hat –imagine how much we LOVE that ensemble!  Who knows what trouble the twins are getting into….it is a little quiet, hmm.

Enough about my personal torments, let me talk about this blog. I know everyone has a blog out there so this is definitely nothing new, especially yet ANOTHER mom talking about her life. Why am I doing it? A few reasons:

1. I live an isolated life here in England staying home with the kids and find it very hard to make English friends. I don’t have anyone to talk to on a regular basis so this seems like a great outlet.

2.  My husband always says that I have no filter in my brain before I speak therefore some of my observations might be amusing and even slightly offensive which I suppose can be an interesting read.  Life is certainly much more difficult here in England than we expected.

3.  I want to have a record of life with the kids and I find it easier to write to people rather than to myself in a diary.  I enjoy two-way conversations so please feel free to respond to my blogs either positively or negatively.

So here goes.  I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes I might make.  It’s been a while since I engaged my brain which most mums of small children will appreciate.  Thanks for listening.  Have to go now, Will is yelling for something.

Published in: on December 17, 2009 at 5:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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