Fears of Being a ‘Bad’ Mom

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I consider myself an experienced mother now that I have three small children. I don’t freak out when they get sick, I manage to get them to eat a healthy and varied diet, and I’m almost finished with the sleep issues (although Ellie is recently making another valiant effort at trying to cripple me with her recent 1 to 2 hour-long, no-reason, wakeups at 2am — I will prevail!!)

So why do I feel like I am a bad mom? It’s all about that mommy guilt and I am a huge sufferer of it.  I actually do feel that I have several weaknesses that don’t parlay into being a great mothering figure.

First of all, I never really was a baby person so the three plus years of intense baby time that I have experienced has been a complete drudgery to me with the occasional glimpses of humor (like when I had three diapered children screaming bloody hell at the same time because of runny poo all over their legs and I was only able to change one at a time while the other two ran around contaminating everything in the room).

Ok, there is one caveat about babies.  Breastfeeding was truly a special experience and one that still gives me warm fuzzies when I remember it.

Second, I’m selfish.  I miss the days of doing whatever I wanted.  Going out to restaurants and movies, meeting friends at bars, having a career, sitting around and reading a great book, and just tending to my own needs.  This causes me to now seek alone time whenever I can.  When the twins go down for a nap, I feel a strong desire to get on the computer and browse my favorite sites even though I still have my oldest, Will, clamoring for attention from me.  It is so hard for me to muster up some creative energy for him and that is something I really want to change.

Third, I find there are more stresses and unpleasantness than there are joys right now.  I see moms around me and I know moms who say “Oh, I love being a mom!”.  I certainly DON’T love it.  I do find special moments when my heart swells with love and gratefulness for my children, but right now I have to say that the pendulum is swinging to the “Not Fun” side of motherhood.  I keep getting reassured that this will change as they get older.

Finally, let me say I adore my kids and I am fiercely protective of them.  I wouldn’t change my decision to have them but I worry that my issues make me a less than perfect mom.  I strive to improve these weaknesses day by day.  Is there anyone else out there that has similar feelings?  Please share and make me feel less like a failing mom!

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Hey I have read through some of your posts and I totally get where you are coming from, I have 3 little ones all quite close in age and at times it really isn’t fun. I’ll give you some advice that one of my friends told me…chill out! I used to be a bit obsessive about trying to do the absolute best for my children and by being so stressed I wasn’t really being a good mom. These days everyone is so intense about parenting and choosing the best educators for their children and buying BPA free bottles and scrutinising every little decision.

    Missy the fact that you care this much shows that you are a good mom but, to feel like a good mom you need to stop being so down on yourself. Give yourself a break, get a sitter go out for dinner, go to the cinema…when you have kids this is a new focus in your life but it shouldn’t be the only one. It’s not fair on you or them…if all your energy gets ploughed into them, it’s too much pressure to put on your kids.

    You sound like a great mom
    Take care
    Sarah

    • Hi Sarah,

      I have been a bit disconnected from this blog in the last few months but I appreciate your supportive comments. I have lots of personal crap going on right now but hope to get back to it soon. Thanks!


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